I just read a great article shared with me by a facebook friend. Take a look. I know a bunch of Moms this applies too. I have often wondered how they keep up. They make me feel inferior. They are the Moms that are always involved in something; school, charity, church, sports, friends, dating their husband, being the best mom, soccer mom. Do I really need to continue? On top of all that they bake, cook, clean, sew, do crafts and have an immaculate house to boot. Some of these women are some of my best friends. If you are reading this, you know who you are. Don't take this the wrong way. I do not hold it against you. You amaze me. BUT this article really does get to the heart of the matter.
I work from home running a daycare. I think most people think that because I stay home, oh, excuse me, sit at home all day doing nothing, that I should be able to have a neat and tidy house. That dinner should be ready, clothes and dishes should be washed and put away, etc. I do manage to "manage" all the appointments, but bills sometimes get overlooked in the mix of everything else I have to do. Yes, I am a busy Mom too. But I can promise that I am not trying to compete with other supermoms out there who seem to be able to do it all with grace. Most days, I'm doing good to get a shower and put on decent clothes by dinner time. I am slowly learning how to say "no" when asked to do/participate in/take part of/attend something that I just don't feel compelled to do. Sometimes, it really is because I have other plans, but more than not, it is just because I can't take one more thing on me that is not something that I am not 100% wanting to do. I have had to bow out of Relay for Life events this spring, I have missed parties and other events, church activities and the like that I just am not into whole-hearted. If I can't do it joyfully, I would just rather not do it at all.
I do hear alot of other Moms saying how busy they are. You ask to have lunch with someone (I am not really speaking of any particular incident), just hang out with someone, meet someone for drinks/shopping/a movie, and you get "oh, if I weren't so busy doing X, Y, and Z then I would love too. Sometimes I wonder if we have really moved away from the simple life and are trying to outdo each other as Mothers, like the article states. Everyone is trying to keep up with the next person who seems to have it all together. I can PROMISE you that there are not many people out there trying to keep up with me. I have looked at these women and asked myself how they manage to do and have it all. Do they really really want to be that way? Are they in some sort of competition with the next person? Are they REALLY happy being this way and doing that much?
I would love to hear other thoughts on this, if you are not to busy to drop me a line!
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2 comments:
What's up? Its me again. Another well-written blog from you today. Ok. So I am not a mom. But I plan to take lessons from my own--she was a teacher. When she got home, she went to bed or to the couch. If we wanted to do extracurriculars, we had to arrange transportation from my grandparents. She didn't shuttle us from ballet to soccer to whatever kids do now. She wasn't there to serve us like a servant. Yet we knew we were loved. If anything, WE were the ones doing things around the house. I was unloading the dishwasher when I was very young. Kids CAN do things. You just have to make them. I've noticed in my small town, if you're a mother and not up at the ballfield, you're just a loser Mom. Depriving your child. Jeez. I drove by the other day and all these grown folks were sitting in their chairs behind home plate, staring DIRECTLY into the sun. If somebody told them they had to go out in the cornfields and work in the sun, they'd roll over and die first. But there they all were, blinded by the sun, because THEIR kid is going to be the next Babe Ruth or whoever. I THINK they do all these activites because they don't WANT to be at home. If they're home, they might have to cook supper instead of swallowing a hot dog. At home there might be time to be still and think about something substantial. They might have to focus on their marriage. Which might not be pleasant. We really don't know what people are thinking behind their facades of domestic/carpooling bliss. Please don't give in to the pressure. If you don't do everything "they" say you should do, your kids will turn out fine. Probably better than the ones who seemingly had it all. cheers!
Sometimes I think that it isn't so much that moms are trying to out-do each other. Just that we get sucked up into this hairy ball of activity. For example I have 3 kids at home who go to 3 different schools. If each kid does one activity, you can easily see where that would lead. Plus the church wants everyone to volunteer, even my nursing school class wants us to get involved in stuff! I am learning the art of saying no, also. The joy is that it gets easier.
Melissa Schuppe
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