Gonna Pitch my Tent at PPC.

I have spent the better part of the last year in and out of Dr's offices. Let me get specific... Psychologist/Psychiatrist offices. For me. For my son.

I have been diagnosed with Chronic Clinical Depression. I have been on and off of anti-depressants since I was 19. The most recent drug of choice (for about the past two years) is Prozac. I had been seeing the same Dr. since I was 19 and first diagnosed with Panic Disorder/Depression. I have complete and total respect for him. He got me thru the panic disorder and taught me some very valuable techniques for calming myself and working thru them. Recently, I have begun seeing another Dr. which is where I was diagnosed with the Chronic/Clinical Depression. Depression that lingers and just doesn't go away. Not necessiarly the kind that keeps you in the bed, but a general feeling of ickiness all the time. We are working thru it using the CBASP techinique. I'm doing ok.

Its my son I worry about non-stop. He has been treated for ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder since the beginning of 1st grade. He is going into 4th in the fall. I have had earlier posts about this. I have been away from my blog for a while☺. I've been a little consumed with other things. He has been on numerous medicines since we started all of this. The latest ADHD drug of choice for him is Focalin XR. Its been going pretty well. I did decide to take him off of it for the summer, just to give his body a break, and to see how he did without it.

Attention wise, well, its summer. No need for a super long attention span. The impulsivity thoughand lack of control is another thing. We have recently been seeing violent outbursts from time to time. His Dr. thinks something else is at play. A possible mood disorder perhaps. They have just put him on a low low dose (0.5 mg) of Risperadone to help level his moods out. Its horrible to have your younger child afraid of the outbursts that she is usually the victim of. I am just trying to curb the Mom guilt that is at play all the time for having my child on such a strong drug with horrible "possible" side effects. As a Mother of a almost 10 year old and an 8 year old, I have learned that Mom Guilt is always present. I'm trying to deal.

He has been on the new med. for one week now. No dramatic improvements, but it's still too soon to tell.

As for me, I think i will just pitch a tent in the Shrinks office where we both go. I am there at minimum 1 time a week, in most cases, twice a week. I told them they needed a frequent flyer card!

I hope in time, we will both get what we need out of these many visits. I am learning quite a bit about myself, though its not always pleasant and sometimes I leave there feeling worse than I started. It's all part of the process. I don't want to live under the shadow of this depression one second longer than I have too. I hope that we also find what it is that will truly help my son realize his full potential both in and out of school.

For anyone out there that may read this, feel free to contact me to chat. That is one thing I have not been able to find... a support group for Oppositional Defiant Disorder and this Mood Disorder thing.