Me, Me, Me

One evening, while browsing a few of my favorite blog sites, I ran across one that my neighbor posted. She talks about how moms get lost in their kids and that is all a lot of the "mommy blogs" as she calls them, talk about (the kids). I must admit that I am one of those people. She also makes the comment that moms once had a life and had their own interests before kids, so what happened??

Sorry Kelly, if you are reading this, but your blog got me to thinking, which is something I rarely have the luxury of doing these days. I found it to be inspiring and eye opening, so thank you. I am sure my blog is one of those that a lot of you may find boring, but the sad fact of the matter is, that yes, I use to be my own person with my own interests, but since having kids and having a job that is devoted to the care and well being of kids, there really is not much time in my life for much of anything else. Do I want it?? SURE I DO!! I welcome any outlet that anyone can provide me. It's just that I so rarely have the time to do anything but care for my kids. I have a husband who works two jobs, so he is away alot, especially on the weekend. The next problem is that since becoming a mother almost 7 years ago, I have been so wrapped up in the life of my kids that I have in essense "lost myself". I am no longer sure of what my interests are and who I am, if not the mother of two beautiful, super kids, and the wife of Chris. I am 36 and have no idea who Jennifer is! Kinda scary.

In light of this, I have set out on a quest to try to find time (that is the biggest obstacle to overcome) to rediscover who I am exactly. Other than the obvious, of course. Here are a few things that I like to do...

*Photograph my kids, and other interesting things, esp. wildlife and nature.
*Digital Scrapbooking and traditional scrapbooking
*Blogging
*Reading
*Drawing (I am usually much to much of a perfectionist to just let loose though)
*selling on ebay
*having a good girls night out (rarely happens, seems everyone has my lack of time problem)

How do some of these moms seem to "do it all"? I am inspired, in awe and extremely impressed by you women! I have seen blogs that show insides of houses that make mine look like a junk pit. These women have children!! And, they are crafty, can decorate, have some sort of job, etc. One thing I do know about myself... I am a packrat. I define the word. I hate clutter, but seem to have it in abundance around my house. I think part of it comes with the job (I am a private childcare provider). I have an endless array of toys for all ages laying in just about every nook and cranny in my house. My kitchen always always looks like someone dumped all the contents of the trash out into the floor. We have light colored linoleum, so anytime a juice cup or bottle or piece of food hits the floor, well, it leaves a dirty spot. The dishes are endless. The baby clutter is endless. Diapers, bouncy seats, exersaucers, beds, wipes, etc. Some tell me to get another job and end all the chaos, but this job has enabled me to spend the better part of my children's short lives thus far at home with them. Plus, after working in the corporate world for five years, there is something to be said about being your own boss. You don't like how I do things?? Yeah?? Then find another sitter, etc. Power is in my hands. It's not all fun and games though. I am usually so tired by the end of the day that the house gets overlooked, and exercise for me goes by the wayside. I crave some good adult conversation too, but rarely get that. I am only complaining a little bit. Really.

I guess it all goes back to losing myself. I am up to my arse in kids. It's easy to lose yourself in that I suppose. I know to someone reading this, this must sound like an incoherent bunch of ramblings, and I suppose it is. That is the way my brain functions most of the time. Finish a though? HA! It has already taken me half the day just to type this. I have had several breaks, to eat, to feed, to wipe (butts, noses), to shower, to clean, etc.

Is there anyone out there in a similar situation? I know I am not alone. I envy you women who have a life and have more to write about than your kids. I really really do. I also envy you that have a clean, put together house. Lord knows I need help in that department. How about you together women help a gal out?? I could really use it. I know I don't have many readers, and most of you know me, but if anyone has any suggestions or advice, please feel free to leave me a comment.