I come to realize a few things about myself...

A few weeks ago I decided that I would quit taking my 40 mg Prozac, cold turkey. I wasn't really sure what prompted the decision to do this. I had missed a dose and I think I just decided that I would give it a whirl. Well, what a mistake that turned out to be.

I felt like total crap for starters. Headaches, tired, flu like symptoms. I was moody, cranky, irritable. You name it. After being off for almost 3 weeks, I decided to restart the med's. I just couldn't take it anymore. It took about a week for me to see any real improvements in my mood and other physical symptoms.

Today, while sitting in my regular Therapy appt it hit me. I told him that I was basically just sick of feeling NOTHING. I swear I could watch someone get run down by a car and not shed a tear. I also realized that I wanted to feel as bad physically as I did mentally. Goal accomplished. Why, I wanted to feel this way, I am not sure. I will have to delve deeper into that one as time passes.

I have come to realize that I just need to be on meds. At least for a while. They are my friend. It was suggested to me, however, to back down on them a bit. So, I will finish my 40's then go down to 20. Hopefully it will be enough to keep me (somewhat) sane, but not so drugged that I am numb.

Can anyone out there relate to this?

10 Ways to Crazy

Oh I woke up in rare form this morning. After almost three weeks of having stopped my Prozac 40mg cold turkey, I decided it was best if I start it back up again. I have been on it again for about a week. I missed it yesterday. I dont' know if that is what set me off, or if its just starting it up again after having stopped it. You see, I am convinced my family likes living in a pigsty of a house and when I woke up this morning to the mess that has been in the making for weeks and weeks, I just lost it. No one was safe from my rage. The dog was even giving me funny looks. She had contributed to the mess by pooping not 1 time but 5 times in my floor and then as if to add insult to injury, she puked as well.

My head feels like someone is squeezing it hard. My heart is racing. I am so angry!! My husband decided this moment was the time to go to the Bedford skatepark. The kids are off to church with my Mom and I am stuck here cleaning. The two times in the past two weeks that I decided to have a life, I got grief from the kids for leaving. Mom guilt kicked in big time. Trying to get my kids to pitch in an learn responsiblilty has been a nightmare. They don't get it. I am so ready to throw crap away and make their head spin.

Wow. I am not going to re-read this because I know it probably makes no sense. My husband already said i sounded like a crazed lunatic and all he was hearing was insanity. Maybe so. God how I wish the men in the white coats would come take me away and lock me up. That would be a wonderful vacation!! No worries.

The rant is done. Don't judge me based on this. It is what it is.