Having an Only Child...

...must be dull. No offense to all my dear friends out there. Let me explain. Sunday, Harrison left with my parents and his cousin Ethan to go camping for a week. It is just Chris, Maia and myself until Maia and I travel to where they are on Friday to meet them and camp for the weekend. I have too much free time and it is waaaaayyyyyyy to quiet. Maia, on the other hand, is enjoying all the one on one attention. She did say she misses him in the mornings and that it is lonely. They really do love each other even though they spend half the time trying to inflict bodily harm upon each other. Personally, I can't wait to see my baby boy again on Friday!!

Time to Move on...

Wednesday I attended my kids awards ceremony at TCM. I knew they were getting a reading award but wasn't expecting the others. Maia and Harrison both got perfect attendance for the year. I had NO idea. How cool!! Maia also got the Rocket Math award for meeting her goal in addition. Harrison's class won the recycle challenge that the school did. It was a great day for them! I was so proud of both of them. It has been a rough, but overall good year academically for Harrison. He started out way below where he should be and once he was diagnosed ADHD and properly medicated, the jump in his academic progress was astounding. He is now reading on a second grade level, versus the K. level he was at in November. We just need to iron out the kinks. Harrison on the far left in the brown and blue, and Maia striking a pose for me, receiving their Perfect Attendance Awards.

After the awards, I went to each class and distributed the teacher gifts. I was able to snap a photo of Harrison and Maia with their teachers. Mrs. Webb really seemed to like her gift. She is SUCH a great teacher! I cannot say enough about this woman. The kids adore her and she makes everything a lesson. It is amazing. Here are some photos from the day.

Maia with Mrs. Webb, before she gave her the gift.

Mrs. Webb, showing the class her flower pot. Even here, she was teaching them.

Mrs. Webb giving Maia a high five for the Kindergarten Rocks Tee shirt. I love this photo.

Mrs. Webb was the ONLY teacher I EVER saw eating lunch with her kids EVERY DAY! I thought this was so awesome! Her daughter, Nettie Jo, is in the yellow shirt.

Mrs. Webb, Bria, and Megan watching Maia being silly with her pizza.

Harrison acting shy, with his teacher, Mrs. Hudson. He finished up with an overall great year. Again, its all about the kinks...

I got them to pose today, Thursday June 11, for the last day of school shot! My how they have grown this year!!

Teacher Gifts

End of the year equals teacher gifts to be made. Here is what I came up with.

The insert for the flower pot, which were $1 at AC Moore. Grass stickers, finger print butterflies by the kids, school photos and ABC stickers.

The insert in the pot. This one is Maia's for her teachers.

And Harrison's for his teachers.

finish the pot with a bag of potting soil tied up all nice and pretty, a wooden planter sign with the type of seed, and a packet of "Forget-Me-Nots" seeds and you are all set! All for less than $5 a gift. Hopefully the teachers will like it.

Popsicle sticks and a $.39 wooden sign painted white make up the sign.

Mrs. Webb, because she is so awesome, got the best gift. We LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEE her. She Always says "....(fill in the blank here) Rocks!" She tells the kids they rock when they are successful in school, etc. You get the idea. Maia has a Kindergarten Rocks Tee shirt I made for her, so we made Mrs. Webb one too. Iron on letters for $2 for the entire sheet and the tee shirt was $2 on sale at AC Moore. The mini tote bag (this was TOTALLY Maia's idea!) was $1.39. I hope she likes her gift!

Breathe Deep and Count to 10...

I had to do that several times today. I visited my son and daughter's school for field day. I knew that Harrison would be missing a portion of the activities for his behavior in the past few weeks. I sought out my daughters class and had a great time with her class. Then I went to look for Harrison's class. I found them, minus Harrison. I spoke with the teacher to find out that he was in the office doing PILES of work that he had been refusing to do. I also learned that when he was asked to take his work out of his desk and get busy so he could eventually join the class for field day, he refused and put his head down. She told me that she turned up his desk and dumped it in the floor. He later told me he was embarrassed by this and all his friends laughed. This is a young teacher. For the most part, I have not had any issues with her. I like her and she has been really good at keeping me posted. That is why the next part of this was so hard for me to handle.

I hang out with Maia a bit more then decide to head inside to see Harrison and how much progress he was making on his work. ( I'll interject here to say that he had already earned some of field day so I was not too cool with the fact that all of that had been undone and his reward of earning some taken away.) When I got to the auditorium where he was at, there he was laying in the floor with PILES and PILES of work. OK, now when I was told that he was doing work he had refused to do, I was thinking a weeks worth at best. What I found was at least a months worth. This was work he should have been doing independently. My concern was that WHY was I not told before now? Didn't she realize that he was not turning in his work? How did it get so out of hand? I just don't understand how this happened. I could have been working with him at home to make it up. He should have been missing rewards/recess/fun things all along, not the last three days of school. I was so angry and upset. I felt awful for Harrison sitting there alone while his entire class and the entire school for that matter was out having fun. I am NOT dismissing what he did. But she is the teacher and I should have been told before it got out of hand. He is a 7 year old boy with a disability. Who's in charge here?

They tell me he doesn't qualify for the 504/IEP, whatever, because his learning is not being impacted by his disability. Uhhh, i think I would have to disagree after today. He told me when he got home from school that he had been stuffing papers in his desk since day 1 in first grade. I have called the school and demanded a child study be conducted ASAP and If I have too, I will be that parent that teachers loathe. I am my sons only advocate. I have to see that he gets what he needs, that he doesn't fall through the cracks. For Goodness sake, I pay my taxes! I know my rights. Something WILL be done about this.

On another note, Maia had a GREAT field day. Here are some photos from the day!

Maia throwing a pass!!

The girls! Katera, Maia, Bria, Grace, Maggie, Chloe, and Megan.

My girl doing the limbo. Her all time favorite game!

She won!! She is so good at this game, even on skates!

Maia and teacher extraordinaire, Mrs. Webb. I only wish Harrison could have had her. She use to teach 2nd grade. This was her first year in Kindergarten.

This is how Harrison spent most of the day. The photo doesn't do this pile of work justice.

Dangers of Motherhood

Boy, there are times when being a Mom really does a number on your self-esteem and self worth. Maybe it is just me and my need to be in control of every situation and my tendency to react very quickly at situations that arise. Maybe it is because I myself am under the guidance and care of a psychologist. That says it all really. Am I mentally stable? Well, sure I am, but i have a tendency to take a situation and blow it up into more than it probably really is. Things also tend to depress me very quickly.

My past few blogs have been about my son and the issues we have faced this school year. It has been quite a ride for all of us. Teachers, Principals, Maia, Chris, myself and anyone else involved with my family. This blog will not be any different. Sorry. If you don't like it, stop reading now. This blog has become quite a good form of therapy for me.

Thursday, yesterday, I got a call at about 1:30 from the Principal at the school my kids go to. She had Harrison in her office. Seems that a few boys at lunch thought it would be a good idea to pretend to choke themselves and Harrison thought it to be an even better idea to pretend to choke another classmate. With the zero tolerance they have in school these days, you can just imagine why this was a BAD CHOICE for Harrison to make. He was sent to the principal who asked him why he did this and if he knew what happened when you choked someone. His answers were "because I wanted too" and "they turn blue and suffocate" respectively. I was instructed to come pick him up from school immediately for an overnight suspension. This was no easy feat for me to do since my Mom had just gotten out of work and I had four sleeping toddlers in my house. After some work, my Mom was at the house and I was on my way to the school. NOT HAPPY!

The therapist we see for Harrison told me to INSIST on a 504 plan for him for next year or to instruct the school to QUIT calling me about his behavior. I have tried and begged and pleaded to get this for him and have had wall after wall put up. I am doing everything in my power to help my son get thru this but I am not getting a lot of help from the school system. I know it is the end of school but I am tired of having to handle the issue from afar when they need to find a better way to handle it. He WANTS to come home. He tells me that is why he can't behave... because he misses me. SO DON'T send him home. That is NOT punishment. I am not really blaming the teachers or staff. As a whole, I adore his school and all the staff I have had dealings with. I am not blaming anyone. It is just very frustrating when you try to help your child be successful and keep running into walls.

I spent most of last night feeling really crappy about all of this. Where had I gone wrong? Why can I not seem to handle this? I ate LOTS of chocolate. It is hard as a Mom to deal with all of this. I KNOW that Harrison is NOT the child that chokes people on purpose. I know it was not malicious when it was done. How do you help a child like this? I have so many questions and not many answers. I hope today is better for Harrison. I am waiting on my call back from the principal while he is at school today. To discuss the 504 and other modifications that can be made for next year. Stay tuned.

God Give Me the Strength...

... to make it thru the last 9 days of school. I know, a lot of parents dread the end of school because it means no more free time if you don't work and if you do, then you have to find someone to take care of your kids. Well, I am on the other side of this fence.

This has been a rocky year for Harrison. He started out his 1st grade year below grade level on his tests (PALS) and after few months he was diagnosed ADHD (With Oppositional Defiant Disorder). We have known about the ODD for a while, though it was never really treated until now. It was kind of an unofficial diagnosis a few years ago by a therapist I wasn't wild about. After starting Harrison on Vyvanse we saw such dramatic improvements I was foolish enough to believe our problems were solved. Such a newbie I was to ADHD then. Oh, they were only just beginning.

Previous posts outline some of this so I won't rehash all that, but after bouncing around on a variety of med's, we finally sought counsel from Dr. K Rooney and now have Harrison on Strattera. It has been about 3 months on this one, with no side effects that we can see. However, I am not sure that it is working all that well. When we started this medicine, it was almost as if the ODD symptoms were exaggerated. I started getting emails and phone calls from Harrison's first grade teacher, the principal, a referral from the bus driver, then another from his teacher. Oh the list goes on. Basically, he is being disruptive, uncooperative, mean on occasion (tripping kids and laughing, pushing kids, throwing mulch on the playground), and just generally a pain in the ass if I can say that about my own child. I literally get anxiety attacks when i see the school phone number pop up on my caller ID or I see an email from his teacher in my in box.

Yes, I am his mother, and I love him no matter what. He is my firstborn and my baby boy. Nothing will change that. I hate to see him struggle so much. It kills me a little at a time. I know that he is a very sweet and loving child. He just has to learn to deal with all this that is going on inside of him. We are seeking the advice from yet another therapist and I feel confident that he will be able to help us where the other one couldn't. That is why I am glad school is almost out. I will be able to breathe much easier knowing that that phone call won't be coming or the emails. It will also give us several months to work with the therapist we see every other week, to hopefully address these issues and make some progress before Harrison enters the second grade.

ADHD is so often misunderstood. I was guilty of it once. Over diagnosed, over medicated, etc. the list goes on. BUT, now that I am faced with it head on, it is very hard to deal with and yes, very misunderstood. These kids are not just trying to be hard to deal with, they literally cannot control themselves. They don't have the ability to learn from their past mistakes, which explains why charts don't work, and normal behavioral techniques don't work either. This explains why Harrison went to the Principals office, was talked to by her and sent on his way, then ended up there again not even 10 minutes later for the same thing. We are learning to deal with this with the help of our therapist. To teach Harrison how to handle things in a different way.

So, yes, I am grateful summer is upon us and school is out. I know there will be some rough patches to deal with this summer, but I am hopeful that this summer will provide Harrison the turning point he needs to start 2nd grade off on a different foot.

New Med's for my 7 Year Old

Monday we had our monthly visit to Dr. Rooney at PPC. She wanted to know how the Strattera was working and to get a weight check on Harrison. He had gained some of his lost weight back, which is good. Overall the report was good. The Strattera seems to be working well enough for us to continue on it at a higher dose. She will gradually increase his dose until the max dose is reached for his size.

Still, the main concern for us is sleep. He seems to have developed this fear or anxiety over going to bed in his bed at night. The child who use to beg or bedtime at 7:30 is now up late most nights. Not only is his sleep being affected but his sister is also suffering. He refuses to stay out of her room and insists on sleeping with her even though we have tried everything we can think of to keep him out of her room. Sensory Hallucinations were mentioned to me following my original post on the subject two blogs ago. Perhaps. Scary stuff. Dr. Rooney prescribed Clonidine to help us with that one. She hopes that if we can break the habit and get him past his anxiety of sleeping in his own bed we can then discontinue use of the Clonidine. Last night, after giving him the Clonidine he did go fast asleep in his bed, but at some point, he still managed to end up in her room. Frustration!!!

I also had a visit yesterday with my therapist. A full day of shrinks! Fun times. He told me that Harrison is physically and mentally incapable of controlling himself until the meds are straight. His biochemistry is so whacked right now that it is not possible. His hope was that if we get the meds straight, the behavior will be easier to control and will all but correct itself in the most part. Until then, I have been advised to keep on keeping on and to try to remain calm and to psychologically distance myself from Harrison as to provide a relapse for me into depression. How do you do this? He told me you don't want H. to know or feel this distance. Any one have a clue about this?

Anyway. This morning was OK. I am hoping H. has a good day at school. Any mom's or dad's out there dealing with this, please contact me! There is little by way of support groups for parents dealing with this and as I am finding out, it is not an easy thing to live with. So little is said about it. No one wants to talk. I guess it is the stigma attached to it. The thought that they should be able to control themselves and that its bad parenting, lazy parenting, just an excuse for bad behavior, blah blah blah. WRONG. Let's talk people!

A Good Day

Today was a good day for us. In particular my son. My sweet boy, my firstborn. I don't know if it is a coincidence, or if it is that magical two week mark I have been waiting for for the Strattera to start working at its max potential. Whatever it was, I'll take it, if only for a day. I am hoping it is the beginning of better days for Harrison and yes, Me, as well as the rest of the family.

We started off at Soccer. The first game. He was a model child and played a great game, even scoring a goal. Then he spent the day with his Grammie Toler, until he was returned to me for a birthday party. That is a long day for a child and he managed it so incredibly well! I am so proud of him. After the party, we headed to my moms house to spend some time with her and my Dog-in-law to be Jose. He's a chihuahua and the cutest you will ever see! Harrison and Maia ran around the yard with the dog and got plenty of play time in. Dinner was eaten, and then we headed downtown to the Riverfront Skatepark where Chris works part-time. We hung out there for a bit before heading home around 8:20 to get baths and ready for bed. Bedtime was NO Drama at all. Went to sleep without any excessive chatter between my two angels.

Still trying to conquer the sleep issues he has developed. He is refusing to sleep in his bed. He wants to sleep in my bed or with his sister in the twin bed in her room. They both have twin beds. I don't know how they sleep that way. I can't get out of him why he is afraid of his room so much. He rarely sets foot in there these days. I have my concerns and questions about it and will address them on Monday when we revisit the psychiatrist for a med check.

So, today, I got a glimpse of my son. The boy I know he is under all the funky stuff going on inside of him. I hope that he will stay with us for a while.

Life's Trials

My hubby didn't really want me to post about our trials with ADHD, but I feel I must. My 7 year old son, Harrison, was diagnosed in early December. It has been a rough road. Since then, we have tried 4 different medicines and are still looking for the right one. I know, some people out there don't believe in medicating children for this and think it is over diagnosed. I used to be one of those people. BUT, when you watch your child struggle it is hard to not do all you can to help them. This question was asked of me... "would you deny a hearing impaired child a hearing aid? A crippled child a wheelchair?" The answer is no. That question ended my fear of medicating my son.

We started on Vyvanse 30mg and immediately got tremendous results. He went from below 1st grade level in school to right on track in a matter of weeks. He had struggled with reading, and he is now reading chapter books, in a mere months. The improvements were almost too good to be true. I remember crying tears of joy when I spoke with the teacher that first day, hearing how well he had done and how proud he was of himself. She said it was as if a light had been turned on for him. The good news didn't last for long.

He began having MAJOR sleep issues and lost a huge amount of weight the first month. Both side effects of the medicine. The sleep issue was my main concern, because after a month of so so sleep we had an entire different set of problems to deal with, all due to lack of sleep. I know how I get when I miss a few hours, so I could only imagine how he must be feeling after a month of struggles. So, we decided to switch medications, to Adderall XR. Whoa! What a mistake that proved to be. After two weeks, I didn't recognize my son. He was mean, aggressive and very hostile. Hard to handle. Ugly faces, actions, words. Too much for me to deal with, AND, he still wasn't sleeping. We decided to try the Vyvanse at a lower dose, 20mg, the lowest they make. Since we had initially had great results with that, we figured it was worth a shot.

We stuck with that for another month or so but still did not see the results we were hoping to see. In the meantime, Mommy was having a breakdown. It is very very hard to watch your child struggle like I had been doing for the past few months. The medicine was now working against us. He had bigger issues now than when we started. We decided to seek counsel from a Psychiatrist.

After our meeting with Dr. Rooney, I felt confident that we would find a solution and the right medicine for Harrison. We tried the Daytrana patch at a 10mg dose. What a pain the the butt they ended up being. Hard to use and, again, we did not get the desired results. It was suggested to me that stimulant medications may not be the way to go for Harrison. That brings us up to date. We are now on Strattera 10mg. He is calm. He is close to being the little boy I know again. BUT, still some struggles in school.

It is hard being the parent of a child with ADHD. There are no support groups that I can find in the area and for the longest time I have felt so alone in this struggle. I have since found some friends who are also dealing with this and that has helped. That is why I have decided to go against the wishes of my husband and post this blog. I know there are tons of Moms out there dealing with this. If this reaches even one person that it can help or connect me too, then it was not in vain.

As for us, we are still struggling. It is a daily battle, but one we hope to win soon. I don't regret my decision to start the med's for Harrison, we just have to find the one that works best for him. In the meantime, I will keep on keeping on.

Is That a Muscle I Feel??

Today, we had Harrison's official party at FunQuest with all his buddies from church and school. They got to roller skate and play in the jungle gym area from 1-4. They should all be good and tired tonight! We had pizza, drinks, and cake and opened some gifts, but the real fun was in the skating. Harrison had only been one other time before today, and he did great! Maia did pretty good too, but not as confident on skates as Harrison was. Chris and I also skated. Chris opted for the inline skates, but I prefer to be on 4 wheels. Especially since it has been a while since I skated myself.

Back in the day, my friend Debbie and I were the roller queens. I must say, it is kinda like riding a bike in that you never forget once you learn. The only problem is, this body is much older and heavier than it was in my early years. When I first started I was thinking there was no way I was gonna venture onto the rink where the wood is shiny and slick. I could hardly hold my balance. BUT, the carpet was grabbing the wheels and making it VERY VERY hard to skate without looking like an uncoordinated cow on wheels. Once I got to the rink, it was smooth sailing, er, skating! After about 1 trip around, I was feeling muscles I didn't know existed! Oh, the strain on your shins and especially, for me, my hips. It seemed to ease the more I skated around. I was quickly testing out my "moves" by turning around backward while moving to skate with Harrison and take his photo. Pretty impressive!!! LOL. Just glad I didn't bite it with the camera. I think I skated for several hours all together. I am totally anticipating not being able to move a single part of my body tomorrow.

The birthday boy, just getting started good.

Granddad and Chris help Maia skate.

A rare shot of Chris and I together in one photo! Thanks Tim!!

Maia and her buddy Ryan cling to the wall for dear life.

The three Toler Men, Harrison, Tim aka Uncle Tim, and Chris.

Harrison doing the limbo. He did pretty good!!

How low can you go?? Harrison was quite impressive...

Chris kept saying how long Maia's legs looked in these bell bottom jeans...

Ryan and Harrison's attempt at being serious for a photo.

This is what we got when we asked them to be silly.

On a side note... After uploading these photos, I must say I am NOT impressed at the quality of them considering I was using my brand new $250 camera. I exchanged it tonight for the same camera because I think it is defective. I hope it works better now. My friend has the same camera and hers works great! Leave it to me to get the bum camera!!

Seven Years Ago Today...

...Harrison Rhys Toler entered the world at 3:45 a.m. November 27, 2001 to be exact with the date. After a scary pregnancy and a looooooong, drug free labor/delivery, Harrison made his entrance weighing 9 lb 2 oz and 22 inches long. Hard to believe that this baby..

is now this baby, all 50 lbs and 51 inches of him ...

My! What a handsome boy you have grown into!! (TONS OF PHOTOS BELOW!!!)

We went to my mom's house for Thanksgiving Lunch and since all the family was there, we had a birthday party and let him open presents after we ate. Maia made him the card he is proudly holding above. So sweet. She worked so hard on it because she knew he would like the dinosaur picture she drew.

So much has happened in Harrison's 7 years of life that I could NEVER capture it here. He has grown into quite the dinosaur/space loving little boy. He is ALL BOY too. His first year of life he went to stay with my friend Shannon while I went to work, then alternated time with his two grandmothers those days as well. He spent all day with Grammie, aka Judy, and 3 1/2 days with Shannon and my Mom. He got lots of love! I remember driving by Shannon's house on my lunch break and seeing him playing with cars in her bay window that is right on the front of the house. Some days I would drive by just to brighten my day a little.

When Maia was born, I was lucky enough to be able to get my private daycare up and running and was able to stay home with both of them. Harrison has always been a Mommy's boy. I love it! He is such a loving, sweet child, with a devilish side on occasion. He holds a special place in my heart, and always will, as only a Mommy's boy can do! I hope that I am lucky enough to celebrate many many more birthdays with my boy through the years as I watch him grown and change from the little boy he is now into a teenager and man.

Things I love about Harrison: the way he rubs his head on me showing affection much like a cat does, the way he tells me I am the best Momma he has ever had, his blue eyes, the way the hair at the crown of his head always sticks up, that he STILL loves his baby he got in the hospital when he was born, they way he takes care of me when I am sick or sad, his artwork, watching him get excited over little things, the way he says "oh snap", the way he loves stuffed animals and gives the all names. Today, I got a photo of this ( how cute is that??)...

The stuffed cat is nursing it's kittens. This was learned from watching Milo and Otis over and over and over and over.

It is amazing to go back and look at photos over the years and see how he has changed. From birth ...

Age 1 - ( don't have any in between since this was LONG before I had a digital camera and relied on a scanner to get my images online)

Age 3 - (professional photos, here and directly above, taken by Jack Henley)

Yep, I caught them on the kitchen table with a jar of Vaseline. Fun times!! You can just see the devil in Harrison's face in this photo!

They are some big shoes you have to fill there my boy! Here is the baby mentioned above in "things I love about Harrison". Gotta love that he still had a pacifier at age 3! This is right before we took them from him and Maia.

Age 4 - Dinosaur Party!!!! This was the last party I had for him at our house, at least to date!

He has TWO babies, thanks to ebay. A backup is ALWAYS a good thing. You can tell how ragged the older one is in this photo. Look at the difference!! He still has them both, but they both look equally bad now.

Age 5 - Party at McDonald's with his preschool buddies

We had just gotten our Siamese kitten, Louie the day before this photo was taken. Harrison was so proud of him and still loves him to pieces.

Age 6 - Party at Nature Zone

Age 7 - Today, November 27, 2008 at Grandma's House for Thanksgiving Lunch.

We will have a party at FunQuest on Saturday for his buddies from school and church. Should prove to be a fun day. I am excited. It is a roller skating rink and has games and all kinds of fun stuff to do. Stay tuned! More photos to come, if you haven't had enough already!!

Happy Birthday Harrison! I love you!