One of These Things is Not Like the Other....

What a long hard process its been, the past few months, first getting the IEP in place, then the Functional Behavioral Assessment completed and finally, making the hard decision that the regular school setting is NOT the best place for my son. At least not right now. Now that I think about it, its been a long hard month for lots of reasons.

First of all, my Dr. decided that I had mild bi-polar symptoms and added Abilify to my drug repitoire. Worked wonders. Love it. Highly recommend it. My moods were NUTS after the Effexor. Now they are great. I can cry, be happy, be sad, angry, etc, but all within normal limits. As a matter of fact, I have been on the verge of tears for two days now dealing wwith the ups and downs of this whole special ed. process with my baby boy.

After the IEP was in place, Day Treatment was inacted, Functional Behavioral Assessment was complete, we still were not seeing tremendous improvements in H's behavior and academic performance in school. Things were spiraling out of control. Desks and chairs were being thrown, others were being placed in harms way. He wasn't learning, grades were sinking. At the advice of H's doctor, we went to visit Rivermont School. We knew right away that was the place he would get the help he needed to be successful in school. After another IEP meeting, it was decided that he would go there immediately.

We had enrollment there this morning. He loved it. He made several friends in his class right off the bat. I got all the necessary paperwork done. I'm the one having the issue with it. I'm the one who decided he would be there. I think its more because, as a Mother, you want your child to be like all the others. You don't want them to be different in that way. You want them to fit in. To be "normal" for whatever that means. I have to accept that H is not like all the others. In some ways he is. In others, not so much. Is this a bad thing? NO, I guess its not if I stop and think about it. His "difference" could actually become one of his biggest assets one day.

I'm coming to terms with it. Its just gonna take some time. As for H? He's gonna be just fine.

Breathe Deep and Count to 10...

I had to do that several times today. I visited my son and daughter's school for field day. I knew that Harrison would be missing a portion of the activities for his behavior in the past few weeks. I sought out my daughters class and had a great time with her class. Then I went to look for Harrison's class. I found them, minus Harrison. I spoke with the teacher to find out that he was in the office doing PILES of work that he had been refusing to do. I also learned that when he was asked to take his work out of his desk and get busy so he could eventually join the class for field day, he refused and put his head down. She told me that she turned up his desk and dumped it in the floor. He later told me he was embarrassed by this and all his friends laughed. This is a young teacher. For the most part, I have not had any issues with her. I like her and she has been really good at keeping me posted. That is why the next part of this was so hard for me to handle.

I hang out with Maia a bit more then decide to head inside to see Harrison and how much progress he was making on his work. ( I'll interject here to say that he had already earned some of field day so I was not too cool with the fact that all of that had been undone and his reward of earning some taken away.) When I got to the auditorium where he was at, there he was laying in the floor with PILES and PILES of work. OK, now when I was told that he was doing work he had refused to do, I was thinking a weeks worth at best. What I found was at least a months worth. This was work he should have been doing independently. My concern was that WHY was I not told before now? Didn't she realize that he was not turning in his work? How did it get so out of hand? I just don't understand how this happened. I could have been working with him at home to make it up. He should have been missing rewards/recess/fun things all along, not the last three days of school. I was so angry and upset. I felt awful for Harrison sitting there alone while his entire class and the entire school for that matter was out having fun. I am NOT dismissing what he did. But she is the teacher and I should have been told before it got out of hand. He is a 7 year old boy with a disability. Who's in charge here?

They tell me he doesn't qualify for the 504/IEP, whatever, because his learning is not being impacted by his disability. Uhhh, i think I would have to disagree after today. He told me when he got home from school that he had been stuffing papers in his desk since day 1 in first grade. I have called the school and demanded a child study be conducted ASAP and If I have too, I will be that parent that teachers loathe. I am my sons only advocate. I have to see that he gets what he needs, that he doesn't fall through the cracks. For Goodness sake, I pay my taxes! I know my rights. Something WILL be done about this.

On another note, Maia had a GREAT field day. Here are some photos from the day!

Maia throwing a pass!!

The girls! Katera, Maia, Bria, Grace, Maggie, Chloe, and Megan.

My girl doing the limbo. Her all time favorite game!

She won!! She is so good at this game, even on skates!

Maia and teacher extraordinaire, Mrs. Webb. I only wish Harrison could have had her. She use to teach 2nd grade. This was her first year in Kindergarten.

This is how Harrison spent most of the day. The photo doesn't do this pile of work justice.

Dangers of Motherhood

Boy, there are times when being a Mom really does a number on your self-esteem and self worth. Maybe it is just me and my need to be in control of every situation and my tendency to react very quickly at situations that arise. Maybe it is because I myself am under the guidance and care of a psychologist. That says it all really. Am I mentally stable? Well, sure I am, but i have a tendency to take a situation and blow it up into more than it probably really is. Things also tend to depress me very quickly.

My past few blogs have been about my son and the issues we have faced this school year. It has been quite a ride for all of us. Teachers, Principals, Maia, Chris, myself and anyone else involved with my family. This blog will not be any different. Sorry. If you don't like it, stop reading now. This blog has become quite a good form of therapy for me.

Thursday, yesterday, I got a call at about 1:30 from the Principal at the school my kids go to. She had Harrison in her office. Seems that a few boys at lunch thought it would be a good idea to pretend to choke themselves and Harrison thought it to be an even better idea to pretend to choke another classmate. With the zero tolerance they have in school these days, you can just imagine why this was a BAD CHOICE for Harrison to make. He was sent to the principal who asked him why he did this and if he knew what happened when you choked someone. His answers were "because I wanted too" and "they turn blue and suffocate" respectively. I was instructed to come pick him up from school immediately for an overnight suspension. This was no easy feat for me to do since my Mom had just gotten out of work and I had four sleeping toddlers in my house. After some work, my Mom was at the house and I was on my way to the school. NOT HAPPY!

The therapist we see for Harrison told me to INSIST on a 504 plan for him for next year or to instruct the school to QUIT calling me about his behavior. I have tried and begged and pleaded to get this for him and have had wall after wall put up. I am doing everything in my power to help my son get thru this but I am not getting a lot of help from the school system. I know it is the end of school but I am tired of having to handle the issue from afar when they need to find a better way to handle it. He WANTS to come home. He tells me that is why he can't behave... because he misses me. SO DON'T send him home. That is NOT punishment. I am not really blaming the teachers or staff. As a whole, I adore his school and all the staff I have had dealings with. I am not blaming anyone. It is just very frustrating when you try to help your child be successful and keep running into walls.

I spent most of last night feeling really crappy about all of this. Where had I gone wrong? Why can I not seem to handle this? I ate LOTS of chocolate. It is hard as a Mom to deal with all of this. I KNOW that Harrison is NOT the child that chokes people on purpose. I know it was not malicious when it was done. How do you help a child like this? I have so many questions and not many answers. I hope today is better for Harrison. I am waiting on my call back from the principal while he is at school today. To discuss the 504 and other modifications that can be made for next year. Stay tuned.

God Give Me the Strength...

... to make it thru the last 9 days of school. I know, a lot of parents dread the end of school because it means no more free time if you don't work and if you do, then you have to find someone to take care of your kids. Well, I am on the other side of this fence.

This has been a rocky year for Harrison. He started out his 1st grade year below grade level on his tests (PALS) and after few months he was diagnosed ADHD (With Oppositional Defiant Disorder). We have known about the ODD for a while, though it was never really treated until now. It was kind of an unofficial diagnosis a few years ago by a therapist I wasn't wild about. After starting Harrison on Vyvanse we saw such dramatic improvements I was foolish enough to believe our problems were solved. Such a newbie I was to ADHD then. Oh, they were only just beginning.

Previous posts outline some of this so I won't rehash all that, but after bouncing around on a variety of med's, we finally sought counsel from Dr. K Rooney and now have Harrison on Strattera. It has been about 3 months on this one, with no side effects that we can see. However, I am not sure that it is working all that well. When we started this medicine, it was almost as if the ODD symptoms were exaggerated. I started getting emails and phone calls from Harrison's first grade teacher, the principal, a referral from the bus driver, then another from his teacher. Oh the list goes on. Basically, he is being disruptive, uncooperative, mean on occasion (tripping kids and laughing, pushing kids, throwing mulch on the playground), and just generally a pain in the ass if I can say that about my own child. I literally get anxiety attacks when i see the school phone number pop up on my caller ID or I see an email from his teacher in my in box.

Yes, I am his mother, and I love him no matter what. He is my firstborn and my baby boy. Nothing will change that. I hate to see him struggle so much. It kills me a little at a time. I know that he is a very sweet and loving child. He just has to learn to deal with all this that is going on inside of him. We are seeking the advice from yet another therapist and I feel confident that he will be able to help us where the other one couldn't. That is why I am glad school is almost out. I will be able to breathe much easier knowing that that phone call won't be coming or the emails. It will also give us several months to work with the therapist we see every other week, to hopefully address these issues and make some progress before Harrison enters the second grade.

ADHD is so often misunderstood. I was guilty of it once. Over diagnosed, over medicated, etc. the list goes on. BUT, now that I am faced with it head on, it is very hard to deal with and yes, very misunderstood. These kids are not just trying to be hard to deal with, they literally cannot control themselves. They don't have the ability to learn from their past mistakes, which explains why charts don't work, and normal behavioral techniques don't work either. This explains why Harrison went to the Principals office, was talked to by her and sent on his way, then ended up there again not even 10 minutes later for the same thing. We are learning to deal with this with the help of our therapist. To teach Harrison how to handle things in a different way.

So, yes, I am grateful summer is upon us and school is out. I know there will be some rough patches to deal with this summer, but I am hopeful that this summer will provide Harrison the turning point he needs to start 2nd grade off on a different foot.