Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I Suddenly Understand Myself a Whole Lot Better...

... and here's why. My whole dang family is a nut case waiting to happen!! I love them all but good grief. Give me a break already. I have been told that I was basically a disappointment for going to college to get $50K in debt for a degree that I no longer use. That I sit home on my butt all day keeping kids and that I would never be forgiven for that. Nice. I have been told to go get a job that pays better, that is more secure, that is stable, that is outside the home, etc. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. Does that even exist??? Really. Show me a decent paying job that is secure in this day and age where a 6 year out of experience washed up graphic designer would be happy and I will PAY YOU to send them my resume. I don't like corporate America. I have ZERO desire to go there EVER AGAIN.

Is my job all fun and games? No. Is any job? No. Unless you are just plain crazy. I guess there are people who really love their work. I, personally, get my satisfaction from things outside of my job, no matter what that may be. My family, my kids, my friends, my free time. You know. A job is a job is a job. It pays the bills. Period. I don't know why my chosen career has been such a source of contention among my family. Did I gripe and tell my brothers what losers they would be if they didn't get a college education? NO! Do I tell my younger brother that he needs to wake up and smell the coffee and quit living the high life at home with Mom and Dad? NO. I won't divulge all our family "secrets" here, but I just had to get this off my chest.

For everyone reading this... I may be overweight, underpaid, broke most of the time and have a three year old bathroom renovation in progress, but I am overall VERY HAPPY. 97% of the time. I think that is pretty good odds myself.

I have a few gripes. I would like to see more of my friends. We see each other far too infrequently. But people get busy and life moves on. I woke up a few weeks ago and DAMN! I was 37! My friends we hung out with last night have a daughter that is almost the age we were when I first met them. Give or take a few years. I clearly remember when my Mom was the age I am now. CLEARLY. Scary. I don't have time to spend one more second of my life wondering what I could have done differently.

I make a choice 6 years ago to give up my career, temporarily or not, to stay home and be a mother. I have NEVER regretted it. It has not always been easy, financially speaking. But I raised my kids. I saw them get to where they are. I was here when they needed me. I wouldn't trade that for anything. Why is this something to have to be "forgiven" for??

As for the help that we have been given. Don't give it with strings attached. That's not cool. I have not asked for it so don't give it with strings. It's just not worth it.

I am not sorry I have disappointed the people closest to me in my life. Not my problem. I don't get what they have a problem with myself. I think I have done pretty well for myself considering I have ALWAYS held a job from the day I turned 16. Hell, sometimes i even had two and three jobs all while going to school. More than I can say for most people. My husband has always worked. He doesn't make a ton of money but he works. Two jobs. Our kids are well adjusted and happy. They know they are loved and can count on us, as their parents to be there. Isn't that how success should be measured? My true friends love me rich or poor. They are there when I need them and they know who they are. I am thankful for you all.

As for me, I understand why I am the way I am now. I kinda like me. As for forgiveness for my shortcomings? I don't want it or need it.

5 comments:

Karen said...

((HUGS)) Time moves so quickly--we'll never get these days with our young children back again, so it's great to make the most of every minute we can. :o)

Beth said...

I stumbled across your blog 33 and Holding, where I visit from time to time. I admire your decision to stay home with your children. I am 28 and I'm waiting to have kids so I can do the same. Women's Lib is the worst thing that ever happened to this country--hear me out. Women are expected to do EVERYTHING these days, and do it well. Well, something has got to give--either your public job isn't going to be done well, or your home life will suffer. Furthermore, since women have the ability to earn more money now, its turned a lot of men in this nation to pussies. Men need to be taking care of their family, bringing home the bacon, not depending on their overworked wife to bring in most of the money. I am old fashioned. I think I should've been born in 1925 so I could've been a Mom in the 50s. Sure, families only had one car back then and they didn't have all THIS STUFF that fills our closets and basements. Everybody didn't have a dang phone stuck to their ear. Why do people have kids these days if they're going to outsource them to some GED graduate to watch at a germy day care? And I'll tell you something else, IF WOMEN DIDNT WORK WE COULD HAVE A CLEAN HOUSE AND NOT EAT OUT ALL THE TIME EITHER. (well thats my excuse right now for a messy house. I'll let you know how my theory turns out in a few years when I stay home). As for a younger brother who didn't go to college, I hear ya. Sometimes I think higher expectations are placed on us older ones. OH WELL. Its our life. If we want to "waste" our college degree, so be it. Its in our brain and they can't take it away. They're just jealous that they don't have it to waste. I am probably coming across as kind of crazy, but your rant resonated with me. I wish that the rest of America didn't think you needed 2 SUVs and a tract home filled with crap from Target to be a family--and we could take America back to where it was noble/admired/respected to stay home. Stay tuned.

Sarah said...

even if you did work i am sure the fam would have some kind of gripe, you would probably be working too much or something, there are certain people you can never please. I agree with beth, women's lib isn't always the best thing to happen, it has just put more stuff on women's plate and we can't juggle it all.
oh and another thing, EVERYONE IS CRAZY! didn't you know that?

35 and holding said...

Thanks guys! I knew I could count on you all for support! I agree with Beth and Sarah whole heartedly!!!

elizabeth said...

Stop giving your family such a hard time. We love you but worry about you because we can no longer fix your problems. your brother will soon "smell the coffee". quit giving yourself such a hard time and fix things so you can be happy. You really control the fixes to your problems.