Before you start reading, I must warn you that this post is filled with negativity. Sorry people, it is just that time of year for me. Ba Humbug!
I typically don't like this time of year. I do, but I don't. There, now if ALL makes sense! The reasons are many. First, there is so much pressure to buy gifts and give the perfect gift to everyone. I don't have the money to buy gifts for people and that makes me feel bad and icky. I like to give gifts and when everyone else in my family is exchanging gifts and giving me a gift and I have nothing to give in return I just feel bad. REAL BAD. I am 36 and I don't think it is asking to much to be able to get a little something for people who have done so much for me. BUT, our finances pretty much dictate that we cannot do this and it sucks. I also hate dragging out so much holiday crap, ie. decorations, and having to somehow try to make my house look festive when all I really want to do is leave them in the boxes and pretend it will all go away. My house is a mess and dragging out another mess to add to it just doesn't make me all that happy.
I know I should be more thankful, and maybe I should revisit my Thanksgiving post after typing this bit of negativity. Maybe I will. There is just too much pressure on everyone this time of year. People are crabby out in public. Lord, the man in Wal-mart that got trampled?? Come on. Lets get real. Was it really worth someone dying over to get to whatever it was that was inside? I can't stand that type of behavior. I may be a scrooge but I would never stoop so low as to act that way in public.
The kids want lights on the house, I want it to look a certain way, and no matter what, it never measures up to what I had in my head. Everyone else's perfectly decorated house just makes me feel inferior. Trying to find the time to get it all done if hard. I had the best intentions of making a go of it over Thanksgiving, but the time got away from us and NOTHING got done. My to do list is a mile long and just adding more (decorating for the holidays, play practice, parades, birthday parties, etc, etc.) just isn't my cup of tea right now.
People ask me what I want for Christmas. Do they really want the answer to that? OK, lets see. If you are reading and you are one of these people, take note...
1. A better financial situation
2. my BATHROOM finished
3. More time together as a family
4. to find a way to reconnect with Chris
5. MY BATHROOM
6. Some fresh coats of paint in... (pick a room, any room will do)
7. A better financial situation (oh, yeah, i meant to repeat it!)
8. Some kids to keep to help out #7
9. Appliances that actually work without making ungodly noises (stove, oven, dishwasher, TV, computer, washer)
10. For people to get off my back about crap I can't control or change.
I just can't get into the spirit of the season. It has become too much about things that don't matter and that makes me feel like a lesser person because I can't be a part of it due to financial constraints. That is a crappy feeling. No matter how many times I tell myself that "it" is not what matters, society dictates otherwise. I will never be able to measure up in this regard. Unless I win the lottery, and you gotta play to win. Heck, I don't even have a dollar right now to buy a ticket if i wanted too! NO JOKE!
So, if anyone has any humbling words for me that will help me get into the spirit please, please pass them on to me. I could really use it. And, if anyone is looking for a gift to give me, just check out the wish list above. After all, that IS truly all I want for Christmas this year.