Friday, July 25, 2008

Me, Me, Me

One evening, while browsing a few of my favorite blog sites, I ran across one that my neighbor posted. She talks about how moms get lost in their kids and that is all a lot of the "mommy blogs" as she calls them, talk about (the kids). I must admit that I am one of those people. She also makes the comment that moms once had a life and had their own interests before kids, so what happened??

Sorry Kelly, if you are reading this, but your blog got me to thinking, which is something I rarely have the luxury of doing these days. I found it to be inspiring and eye opening, so thank you. I am sure my blog is one of those that a lot of you may find boring, but the sad fact of the matter is, that yes, I use to be my own person with my own interests, but since having kids and having a job that is devoted to the care and well being of kids, there really is not much time in my life for much of anything else. Do I want it?? SURE I DO!! I welcome any outlet that anyone can provide me. It's just that I so rarely have the time to do anything but care for my kids. I have a husband who works two jobs, so he is away alot, especially on the weekend. The next problem is that since becoming a mother almost 7 years ago, I have been so wrapped up in the life of my kids that I have in essense "lost myself". I am no longer sure of what my interests are and who I am, if not the mother of two beautiful, super kids, and the wife of Chris. I am 36 and have no idea who Jennifer is! Kinda scary.

In light of this, I have set out on a quest to try to find time (that is the biggest obstacle to overcome) to rediscover who I am exactly. Other than the obvious, of course. Here are a few things that I like to do...

*Photograph my kids, and other interesting things, esp. wildlife and nature.
*Digital Scrapbooking and traditional scrapbooking
*Blogging
*Reading
*Drawing (I am usually much to much of a perfectionist to just let loose though)
*selling on ebay
*having a good girls night out (rarely happens, seems everyone has my lack of time problem)

How do some of these moms seem to "do it all"? I am inspired, in awe and extremely impressed by you women! I have seen blogs that show insides of houses that make mine look like a junk pit. These women have children!! And, they are crafty, can decorate, have some sort of job, etc. One thing I do know about myself... I am a packrat. I define the word. I hate clutter, but seem to have it in abundance around my house. I think part of it comes with the job (I am a private childcare provider). I have an endless array of toys for all ages laying in just about every nook and cranny in my house. My kitchen always always looks like someone dumped all the contents of the trash out into the floor. We have light colored linoleum, so anytime a juice cup or bottle or piece of food hits the floor, well, it leaves a dirty spot. The dishes are endless. The baby clutter is endless. Diapers, bouncy seats, exersaucers, beds, wipes, etc. Some tell me to get another job and end all the chaos, but this job has enabled me to spend the better part of my children's short lives thus far at home with them. Plus, after working in the corporate world for five years, there is something to be said about being your own boss. You don't like how I do things?? Yeah?? Then find another sitter, etc. Power is in my hands. It's not all fun and games though. I am usually so tired by the end of the day that the house gets overlooked, and exercise for me goes by the wayside. I crave some good adult conversation too, but rarely get that. I am only complaining a little bit. Really.

I guess it all goes back to losing myself. I am up to my arse in kids. It's easy to lose yourself in that I suppose. I know to someone reading this, this must sound like an incoherent bunch of ramblings, and I suppose it is. That is the way my brain functions most of the time. Finish a though? HA! It has already taken me half the day just to type this. I have had several breaks, to eat, to feed, to wipe (butts, noses), to shower, to clean, etc.

Is there anyone out there in a similar situation? I know I am not alone. I envy you women who have a life and have more to write about than your kids. I really really do. I also envy you that have a clean, put together house. Lord knows I need help in that department. How about you together women help a gal out?? I could really use it. I know I don't have many readers, and most of you know me, but if anyone has any suggestions or advice, please feel free to leave me a comment.

5 comments:

Mom to 4 said...

Girl, you crack me up. And how true all of the post is. Just remember, I am only a phone call away when the worst of it hits. I love you! :)

Karen said...

Hey, Jennifer. I have been thinking about your post. For me (and this is just me), this is a season in my life, and I want to be the best mother I can be. I think we all do, right? So pouring my heart and soul into my family is something I enjoy doing. Many "mom blogs" are created to specifically write about and document stages in children's lives and to keep far-away family up-to-date on family happenings. To me, that's part of their purpose. When I worked outside of the home, I talked about my job all the time ... so why wouldn't I talk about my stay-at-home job all the time? I don't know if this is coming across the right way ... but maybe you understand the idea of what I am trying to get across. (I'm tired, so if this doesn't make sense ... disregard. LOL!) So ... being a mother is a big part of my identity now, and it will be for the rest of my life--just like being a wife is ... and being a Christian is. I don't think we lose our identities necessarily ... they just shift and change--as they will continue to do for the rest of our lives. However, I do think my relationship with God should come first ... and then my relationship with my husband. :o) Sorry this is turning into the longest blog comment ever. I am rambling. :o) Thanks for getting me thinking.

Karen said...

P.S. I'd like to know how some moms seem to do it all, too. If you find out their secrets, please share! :o)

35 & holding said...

Karen, i think you are right. I kinda feel that way too about being a mom to the best of my abilities. I would like to be able to carve out some me time, but when i do, i don't know what it is that interest me if not my children. I guess that is what i mean. I guess it also goes along with being a mom. That IS who we are and that is not a bad thing. I just want to have something to talk about when the kids are not with me. If i figure out these other superwomen, i will def. share. I would be a rich rich woman!!

Karen said...

Jenn, I know what you mean. We all have interests in addition to being mothers and wives, etc. It is hard to cultivate them when we don't have a lot of extra time at the end of the day. An older, wiser lady I used to work with used to say that there will be lots of time for other things when the children are older, etc. Of course, that doesn't help now when Mom needs a break and some "me" time. I guess we just need to schedule it and make it happen. :o)